Just another vocie, with a lot to say…

The Road Not Taken.

If you haven’t read the Robert Frost poem, The Road Not Taken you should. My favorite part is the very end;

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

What brings me to this poem is a conversation I had with two good friends the other night at Starbucks. I have known both friends since middle school, so we know pretty much everything about each other. We were talking about the past; how stupid we were and how if we did something different were we would have been today. What really got me thinking was were I would have been today if I would of done something different. Which lead me to the Robert Frost poem; “I took the one less traveled by, /And that has made all the difference.”

There are a few things I have done in life that I know if I would of went a different path choice my life would of never been what it is now. One big one is a relationship I had that I wasn’t ready for such a serious relationship and ruined what could have been by being afraid. I always think to myself if I never broke up with him then we would still be together today. No its not me just wishing that was true, but I know in even ounce of my body I probably would be living with this guy and engaged if not already married. Our break up lead him to other girls and thus truly breaking us apart. And before you go oh he would of found those girls anyways, trust me if we never would of broken up he wouldn’t of been looking. This relationship from that past has always in a way hunted me. I think about him more then I would like to truly admit.

I guess he is the one who got away. Just the whole path chosen leads me to so many thoughts about this kid. If I ever told him in the past that I still think about him and always feel regret for breaking up with him if it would of changed anything. Or maybe the saying “You never forget your first love.” is the reason he always comes to my mind here and there.

I always believe that God gives us two choices in life to go with, fate comes along after you choose which path to take. Each path has a different fate, but each path and fate was hand designed for you.

Oh the things I learn

So Tuesday when I was at work my back decided to lock up on me. If you have ever had back problems you know that they can be the worse pains EVER!!! And when I say lock I mean it, I am stuck in a hump back like position. Standing straight is out of the question. It’s a nightmare.
Since I’m in pain these last couple of nights I have taken some pain killers. And I have found a few things about me when I’m on them-
1. I don’t care much for people. Ha I really do get annoyed so Damn easily all the time when I’m not on meds.
2. When I am on the meds I am the most friendliest to talk to. I’m less liking to get annoyed with you.
3. I can’t sleep at night when I take meds at night. I’m a night owl for life. If I’m not in pain at night then I’m just not going to sleep easily.
And that my friends and enternet strangers is my pain killer rant. 🙂

In the words of an elephant, trunks up.

As the saying goes, it is good luck for an elephants trunk to be pointing up, bad luck when the trunk is down. It’s okay if you didn’t know this fun fact, I have an app on facts about elephants… And before you say anything, yes I fully admit to a little obsession problem with elephants, can you blame me though?

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Now that I explained the title I can now make the rant I have bottled up inside my head. These last couple of months have been a new awakening for me you could say.

I have been running the store I work at with another key holder since the last week of May when the manager got fired. Running a store at the age of 19 is a great accomplishment, even if for just the summer till the new manager arrives. I learned though that I am way to young to handle it full time though, I wouldn’t want to be the manager full time. I love my job, and the store, but running it is just not a task I want to take up full time. This experience has now lead me to be more excited to be going to school and getting my degree and gain more experience I need to fully succeed at whatever I choose to pursue in life.

Along with this change is a change in the people around me these days. It’s not that I stopped caring for old friends its just I cant handle to sit back and watch them and the way they are choosing to live their lives any longer. I know it’s harsh, but it’s time for everyone to take part of their own actions and do something for themselves. This sudden choice for me to not be around certain people was my own action to do something for myself. I could no longer sit back and watch bad habits slip into place, and worse of all I could no longer sit back with my mouth shut. I know I have a hard head, and a strong opinion of life to match, but that is my flaw or blessing in disguise to deal with. I know half the things that come out of my mouth are not the right thing to say, but when I realize that I will be the first to apologize for my actions. Me ending a friendship doesn’t mean I don’t care, but more around that I just care to much. I care to much to be silent, and you didn’t care enough to listen when I spoke. The best choice I could make was to just stay silent and stay away.

And then there is Keith, which I don’t even know where to start with about him. I guess only time will tell with that chapter of my life. I never been a patient person, so the wait for him to be back home is such a pain. Will the feelings still be the same from when he left? Or will they be even better like the ones in our letters sent to each other?

Changes happen everyday, just like how the world constantly rotates nothing stays still. I may not always make the right decisions in life. I may say I’m sorry more then forgiveness in life, but I’m growing with every sorry in my life. I do what I feel is the right thing, and it could very well down the line reveal to have been the wrong thing for my life, but for now I’m going with what I know. All I can hope for in life is to be happy and surrounded by people I love. People that can lift my sprit even when I don’t even need it to be lifted. Everyone deserves that much in life, so I would like to wish a “trunks up” to all the people in my life, the people who once where in my life, and the people I will meet in the future.

I’m a white trash teen mother! #3

I’m a white trash teen mother! #3.

Today I read the three post by one of my favorite bloggers I follow, and like most things I have read from him I knew I needed to pass this story and posts along.

I’m a white trash teen mother! #2

I’m a white trash teen mother! #2.

I’m a white trash teen mother! #1

I’m a white trash teen mother! #1.

The L Word.

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Today I saw this posted on Facebook and it started to make me think about it for a second. I know that I am the type of person who can grow sick of another in a very short time if I spend to much time with them. So it does have a really good idea to it all, I know that any guy I have ever talked to either ended in a couple of months or was a long term thing.

The more I thought of it all, I realized that the guys I wish I never dated all ended within a four month period. Not counting Zach who ended then restarted and ended again faster then it started back again (Actually if you count the time all together it was under four months too).

So I think this post does have a lot of truth to it, at least for me it sure does.  So then this thought made me think more about those couples who have been married for the longest time and say we got married after so many months. That you really can know right away or in a short time period if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life.

As I see it- which is different then the common thought; much like everything else that I believe, is that you can stay in love with one person as long as no one gets in the way. So putting this and the following ideas of short periods of time and couples getting married is that they really do love the person and maybe they got married at the perfect time not letting anyone else get in their way. Or even time itself getting in the way of them being together. I think those couples who get married after a short period of time are very brave, also very in love. Though in the back of my brain a thought is screaming,

YOU IDOIT! YOU ONLY KNEW THE PERSON FOR BLAH BLAH TIME!”

I really don’t know what point I am trying to make with this post. It really is just one of my rants of life.

Stay Chipper.

A couple years ago (Myspace time) I was browsing one of my friends profile and she had written in her about me;

“And today I will be as happy as a bird with a french fry.”

I have been in love with this since. It’s just simple and cute, but with so much meaning.

As I wrote in my last post I had a problem with depression, so being happy is a big deal to me. I found lots of people don’t think anything of it, that they wake up each day with no sorrow of any kind. I’m not saying that I woke up everyday crying or sad, but I just was in a blank mood. Not happy but not sad either is how I spent my days. The good thing about this though is I now appreciate the small things in life, kind of like how a bird is king of the world when he gets a simple french fry.

I learned in life that it can be cut short, and that you shouldn’t waste it being sad or in a blank mood. So live each day, and be thrilled with the small things in life. Getting your favorite food, talking to a crush, seeing a good movie, having a great hair day, receiving a compliment from a stranger, the list goes on and on; whatever it is though, let it make your day. Be the bird with the french fry.

Quotes, Sayings & Carpe Diem!

Great thought. Though my jaw was opened wide when he said he didn’t like the phrase. I feel it’s what the YOLO saying is going off of. You only live once, go out and seize the day!

Believer.

I know when it comes to religion, it is a touchy subject to talk freely about. People have a tendency to not want to accept any other idea then what they strongly believe, and that is fine in my book. As a very hard headed person I understand the fact that if someone firmly believes in their idea that they will fight till the end for it. I also know though, that everyone has the right to believe in anything they want, well as long as no one is being harmed or crazy things like such. To avoid getting into the whole freedom of speech topic that everyone already knows about I am going to move right along; this is just my story of religion and how and why I believe the way I do.

So to start off I do believe in God. I was raised in a strong Catholic family. But no I do not attend church, haven’t been since I was little. When I was younger I never really thought of God as a big deal. Church was a boring place and I didn’t understand why I had to go. I started to have problems with God when I was about 7, when I went to VBS with a good friend and a priest told me I should put God in my heart and love him number one. I told the man that I love my mom number one, he told me I should no matter love God number one- he said more but I was so upset I never knew what he finished with. All I knew was that my Mom did everything possible for me, no way I was going to let a man I have never met just hear about beat her in my heart. I really didn’t grasp the fact of religion and God if you cant tell.

When in middle school I knew I believed in a higher power, that I had a fate written out for my entire life already, that it was up to me to make the right choices for my fate to stay on the right path. I strongly believe that every choice you make in your life has a path already made for you to follow along till the next decision of what to do next comes along. I always believed that it was God who made us these paths and hopes for us to choose the best one while following the course he leads us upon.

In the 7th grade my uncle who was a police officer went into a house to arrest a man, that man ended up shooting and killing my uncle. Hank died December 1st, 2005- and my trust in God went with him. Hank was a troubled teen, drag racing and drugs I have been told by my mom. But he cleaned himself up, he was a great man. Hank loved being a police officer, he loved to help people. His heart was so big, there was nothing else he would of rather done then be a officer. So with my beliefs that I had in middle school I felt betrayed with God, how could he let a good man die, much less be killed like that? He was a good one, how could he let Hanks path end when he was right on track? The more I thought of Hank the more I hated God. The more I thought of many good people dying, the more I believed there was no God, or if there was a God I was no longer on speaking terms with him.

Going into high school I still was religion-less. Around my Sophomore year of high school my depression finally couldn’t be hidden anymore. I was a wreck, I just felt like nothing good could ever happen to me. Bad luck followed me everywhere, and the depression was making me sick. I hated myself, and I hated my life. Once my mom was aware of the depression she had more heart to heart talks with me. One day the subject of God came up, she told me that she was angry with God for how things in our lives have turned out. That it was unfair for him to take Hank from us to soon. I couldn’t believe that she was only angry with him though, but it then made me realize that like my mom maybe I should let God back in my life.

I don’t know if you could consider me a true religious person, I still don’t go to church. I just feel that I don’t have to go to church to prove that I love God, and that he understands why I believe that. As much as it hurts to not have Hank here anymore, that life and other peoples life choices took Hank, not God. God was blessed to have Hank arrive in Heaven as a angel.

One of my favorite quotes goes;

“If God brings you to it, he brings you through it.”

God knew it was okay for Hank to leave because he knew that my family was strong and yeah it would hurt, but that we could get through it together. It may of not been right away, but my family bond is strong as ever and I do thank God and Hank for that.

I didn’t really plan on writing this blog about my story but more of what I think of religion and what I believe, but you know one thought leads to another.